Thursday, February 28, 2008

Inconsolable

Suddenly, i felt so much urge to blog.
I was chatting wif Esther over msn, and she was telling me bout her weird dream last nite. then i told her bout my story, wat happened to me since these few mths. next, i sent her a photo, took wif that 'E' along. ( for this whole blog, i ll be using E, refering to that particular person) I asked Esther to guess, which one is E. and u know wat?! she guessed it right. she said, the person she dreamed bout, is similar to E in the photo. wtf. Esther is not the 1st one who guessed it rite. I showed another of my fren b4, she too guessed it correct. I can make a conclusion that, flirtatious gal realy do poses some kind of look. Whereby, u can guess its her, even wif jz a glance, even by looking at a photo. (sorry, i m not trying to hurt any of u gals, i jz wanna let evrything out frm my broken heart) :( :( :(
rmb wat i said in my previous blog? that i m so care bout my bf. that i m realy concern bout evrything he do or evryone he meets.i realy did. for all this while, i always worried bout him. esp when i m not ard him..it was a great pain for me during the 3 yrs when i studied at KL.he was at Tpg, and i was at KL. we hardly spend time wif each other. and evry weekends, when he said he was out wif his buddies, i'd started to worry. worried bout where he'd go, wat he'd do, who he'd mixing wif. definetely, we had countless time of argument, and for that many times, i cried myself to sleep. the pain was so deep. the feeling of hurt by ur loved one, can u understand?! and i was scared, whether we would survive thru all these. but anyway, i m thankful to God, that He blessed us, to be able to get thru all these. now that i m back to Tpg, i thought we would be better, i thought our relationship will be more stable. but damn, it dint. at least not as good as i expected. for many times, i cried too. even in front of him. and sometimes, his dumbness made me even sad, even wanna cry out loud. i felt like he dint know how 2 care for my feelings.and not able to show me, his affectionate side of love. thus i feel insecure sometimes.
let me gif u one simple example ok. he knew, since ages ago, that i dun like E. but, he somehow, still keep on flirt ard wif her. guys, tell me pls, if ur gf dun like somebody, wat would u do? if i was a guy, and my gf complaint bout somebody, i would behave myself though. try to avoid frm more communication, or flirting ard, esp when my gf is ard. i bet this is smth a normal bf would do. but u know wat, he dint. even though he realise the fact that i dislike her. damn hurt okay. its like i feel that, he dint care how i feel, not anymore.and sometimes, he would do something on purpose, the more i dun like about smth, the more he'd do on purpose.
y? y guys always like this?y dint he think bout my feeling? so damn sad T____T
y guys' thinking are so much different from gals'? @_@
bout E, i m not trying to be arrogant here. but i gotto admit that i have confident in myself, that i m way better than her. i m not worry that she will snatch my bf away or wat..jz that i simply dun like her way of acting. flirting ard wif guys, even the guy is alr attached. and even messing ard wif my bf.
there r times when i feel so miserable bout life. bout relationship. bout evrything.
yes, no doubt i complain bout my bf. i complain bout how 'gentlemanless' he is; i complain bout him being not caring enuff for me; i m down about the way he treats me. yet, i m still so fucking care bout evrything he do. i m still so fucking worry of his whereabout, who he s mixing wif, whether he still smokes etc etc...irony huh? sometimes, i even hav the silly thinking, 'since he dint care bout me, y must i care for him so much?! wat will i get in return?? i get nth!!! wtf... '
i think this way but in real life, i failed. i oni think but cannot act like wise. see, i m so stupid rite..hate the me like this. y am i so soft-hearted?!
i realy need some support ...tell me that i can make it...tell me that u r on my side...tell me pls.

1 comment:

  1. yes.. I agree with you that sometimes u care very much of that particular person..but he/she just won appreciate or do the same/at least capable of letting u feel he/she is caring for you as well..

    it is kinda hurt or disappointed tht y he/she is so important to me that we are able to sacrify for him/her but y cnt they at least show some care for us ??

    but sometimes really have to try to see through all these.. I mean try to think in other perspective..Life will be easier...

    Whatever, I believe if u r tht type of person who care love/friendship/family very much, u will be that even u tried to be not so care...It jus failed sometimes, I understand that..

    But keep in mind that, caring people will always get more than normal people as they know how to appreciate the meaning of love..and to feel the real and deep feeling of love and affection...

    ReplyDelete

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