Suddenly, i felt so much urge to blog.
I was chatting wif Esther over msn, and she was telling me bout her weird dream last nite. then i told her bout my story, wat happened to me since these few mths. next, i sent her a photo, took wif that 'E' along. ( for this whole blog, i ll be using E, refering to that particular person) I asked Esther to guess, which one is E. and u know wat?! she guessed it right. she said, the person she dreamed bout, is similar to E in the photo. wtf. Esther is not the 1st one who guessed it rite. I showed another of my fren b4, she too guessed it correct. I can make a conclusion that, flirtatious gal realy do poses some kind of look. Whereby, u can guess its her, even wif jz a glance, even by looking at a photo. (sorry, i m not trying to hurt any of u gals, i jz wanna let evrything out frm my broken heart) :( :( :(
rmb wat i said in my previous blog? that i m so care bout my bf. that i m realy concern bout evrything he do or evryone he meets.i realy did. for all this while, i always worried bout him. esp when i m not ard him..it was a great pain for me during the 3 yrs when i studied at KL.he was at Tpg, and i was at KL. we hardly spend time wif each other. and evry weekends, when he said he was out wif his buddies, i'd started to worry. worried bout where he'd go, wat he'd do, who he'd mixing wif. definetely, we had countless time of argument, and for that many times, i cried myself to sleep. the pain was so deep. the feeling of hurt by ur loved one, can u understand?! and i was scared, whether we would survive thru all these. but anyway, i m thankful to God, that He blessed us, to be able to get thru all these. now that i m back to Tpg, i thought we would be better, i thought our relationship will be more stable. but damn, it dint. at least not as good as i expected. for many times, i cried too. even in front of him. and sometimes, his dumbness made me even sad, even wanna cry out loud. i felt like he dint know how 2 care for my feelings.and not able to show me, his affectionate side of love. thus i feel insecure sometimes.
let me gif u one simple example ok. he knew, since ages ago, that i dun like E. but, he somehow, still keep on flirt ard wif her. guys, tell me pls, if ur gf dun like somebody, wat would u do? if i was a guy, and my gf complaint bout somebody, i would behave myself though. try to avoid frm more communication, or flirting ard, esp when my gf is ard. i bet this is smth a normal bf would do. but u know wat, he dint. even though he realise the fact that i dislike her. damn hurt okay. its like i feel that, he dint care how i feel, not anymore.and sometimes, he would do something on purpose, the more i dun like about smth, the more he'd do on purpose.
y? y guys always like this?y dint he think bout my feeling? so damn sad T____T
y guys' thinking are so much different from gals'? @_@
bout E, i m not trying to be arrogant here. but i gotto admit that i have confident in myself, that i m way better than her. i m not worry that she will snatch my bf away or wat..jz that i simply dun like her way of acting. flirting ard wif guys, even the guy is alr attached. and even messing ard wif my bf.
there r times when i feel so miserable bout life. bout relationship. bout evrything.
yes, no doubt i complain bout my bf. i complain bout how 'gentlemanless' he is; i complain bout him being not caring enuff for me; i m down about the way he treats me. yet, i m still so fucking care bout evrything he do. i m still so fucking worry of his whereabout, who he s mixing wif, whether he still smokes etc etc...irony huh? sometimes, i even hav the silly thinking, 'since he dint care bout me, y must i care for him so much?! wat will i get in return?? i get nth!!! wtf... '
i think this way but in real life, i failed. i oni think but cannot act like wise. see, i m so stupid rite..hate the me like this. y am i so soft-hearted?!
i realy need some support ...tell me that i can make it...tell me that u r on my side...tell me pls.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Suddenly, i felt so much urge to blog.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
last nite, was checking my cash balance at the ATM...and one thing that made me proud, for the past 9 mths (since i ve worked), its the 1st time i got the highest balance of all !!! woohoo....u get me?! i realy had managed my finances better lately. good good..i was telling myself, keep up the good work! ^_^ realy need to save la..money is important for me...at least for now..wish to get myself a car, and my initial plan is to go Sabah this August. ;) so i seriously need some savings. y wasnt i born wif 'gold key' ?! *blek*
On top of that, i was msn-ing wif Esther jz now..she asked whether to donate fund for our ex sch. she said the sch wanna buy chair, smth like that. err...needless to say, i straight reject la ok. (sorry)
y? cos 1st: for ur infor, we left sch for bout 7 yrs alr. y suddenly asked me pula?!
2nd: even if i donate, i m not gonna hav the chance to use the facility also rite?!
and 3rd: i believe, still many generous ppl out there..so even if i dint donate, sum1 else will do so rite?! ;p
so, can u see my stinginess now?? ;p anyway, i m trying not to be so stingy la ok. jz that i realy need to start saving now. no choice. the world is getting materialistic, and ppl used to say, no money no talk. correct rite? @_@
Monday, February 25, 2008
u see, promise is a promise. rmb wat u promised b4?! i wonder, did u keep those promises in ur heart? are they important to u? watever related to me, are they important to u?? am i not good enuff for u?! til u would treat me this way?!
i realy realy realy dun like cigarette...(to u smokers out there...sorry, no offend)..esp if my bf smoke...y would i care so much??y would i angry whenever u smoke? simply bcos u r my bf. wtf. the one i always treat number one in my heart. thats y i m so fucking care ok?but y, u would turn me down like this?? do u und my feeling? do u mind bout me at all? tell me, do u?!!!
rmb, how many times we d argued over this issue?? ya la, i know its damn funny, to argue over this small thing. but, even small thing like this also happened between us...wat do u expect me to say?
i m so freaking sad... T___T
Saturday, February 23, 2008
I had two bad dreams actually, to be precise.
the 1st one, was about some stray dogs chasing after me. i was wif a group of frens (but cant rmb who), we were some sort like, visited a seaside. then all of the sudden, some big, black stray dogs ran out and chased after us. and the most funny yet scary thing is, even turtle came after us. i think they were not turtle, some sort like sea monster but looked like turtle. and so we ran. we were climbing up the steel bars nearby the sea. and so we were safe. but we all were hanging up there, wif no ideas wat we gonna do next. then suddenly, a man said we could actualy swing from bars to bars in order to escape. so guess wat?! we realy did. and the dream made the action so easy.. we swing to the end in seconds. funny eh... haha. i bet in real life, we cant swing that easy from bars to bars. ;D and so, thats the end of my 1st dream.
the 2nd one, was about me in a war. scary. some ppl were shooting at us. (again, i cant rmb who i was wif) we were trying to hide, but some of my frens were shot. it was a messy one. and i can hear screaming everywhere. then the next day, those soldiers caught us and chained us up. but strange, i dint see myself being caught, as if i was watching the whole scene. u get me?then i was awaken. @_@
i'm sorry if u confused bout all the above. i m not even clear of the whole things.. blurr...jz felt it s scary. i always hav this kind of blur, messy dreams.i also duno y. wonder if it represents my life?! some dream analysts actually said, watever u dream, represent smth in ur life. i believe so.
i was scared the moment i woke up. but now, i m better alr. o_0
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
2 more days...and cny will be over. T_________T
y happy moments always pass so fast?! y...tell me....@_@
those cny celebrations, still vividly in my mind..feels like it jz happened yesterday..the memories still there.
gathering wif frens, visited frens' hse, gambled, clubbing, outings, photo shooting....etc...there, still there.
i miss wat i m missing now. shit. :(
u see, cny almost comes to an end. and i feel like there's nth else better to be expected. no more long holidays. all i need to do, is to pay full concentration to my working life, again. damn sien okay. imagine, evryday pass the same.
wake up at 7am-> reach office-> start work for that superrrr long 9 hrs-> bek home-> own activities ( max hrs i hav, is oni 5) -> bed time. thats the life of working. i bet most of u r like this. so so boring...sometimes, i dun even feel wanna get up frm bed early mrng, even when the alarm rings. its oni 7am man....still time to sleep!! life is so meaningless eh?
and wat date is it now?? 19 feb?!! wtf. i still rmb how i celebrated 1/1/08 ok..it s been a mth++ ago, but yet, i still feel as if it happened yesterday.
my conclusion?? time flies man...but y, i feel like the 9 working hrs, is so damn longgggggg....zzzz......
*no pict for 2day, jz my fluctuated mood :( T_T @_@*
Thursday, February 14, 2008
;) ;) ;) ;)
she: 'hello, Ms Ong ada?'
me: 'ya speaking'
she: 'oo ada bunga untuk u kat depan'
me (shocked): 'arr...ok, thx'
so i walked 2 the receptionist, saw a man standing there, wif a bouquet of flower and choco, waited for me to sign.i looked at the card, written Hapy Valentine's Day, frm 'dear's name'. ;D
y am i shocked?! valentine's day i m suppose 2 get flower huh...cos few days ago, told him nonit buy me flower ma..waste money..cos flower will eventualy die @_@ , better get me smth more useful. but neva thought he will buy for me summo.but anyhow, i m happy!! i called and thanked him.
2nite shall have dinner 2gether, then shall help mum to prepare for 'pai ti gong'..and u know wat?! i m on leave 2mr!!! yipee yea....2nite pray sure til 1am++ or 2 lo..and i tink cant get up at 7am la..even if can, will be damn sleepy.
cant wait to go home!!
found these from the web, nice huh...
here, wishing u all...Happy Valentine's Day!! ^_*
p/s: valentine's day not jz meant for couples rite..its for frenship also wert...so for those who r still single, enjoy this day as well..call up ur buddies and frens and enjoy!!!
this are my very own valentine's presents!! ^_*
Monday, February 11, 2008
well, thats all for my cny updates. kinda bzz one..and tiring. but its worth cos able to spend time wif frens and family. and now wat?! waiting for cny 2009?? haha..wish 2 hav a lucky and smooth year for me..may God bless me! ang kong poo pee wa....;p
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
even after a nite of sleep, i can feel the angriness still inside me!!!y u always treat me this way?? y u neva bother to send me an sms or gif me a call?? i told u to gif me a call when u reach home rite?? but til tis mrng, when i wake up, i dint see any of ur sms or missed call. :( y? y u would treat me like this? am i too nice to be bullied? y wont u care for my feeling? y?
and suddenly, i realise, i m that not important to u. not anymore huh? u would totaly 4get me when u r out wif ur buddies. its how u treat me, most of the time. well, no doubt i know u r less gentleman, frm the 1st day i became ur gf. i was hoping to see changes in u, as time goes by. and i was so naive, thinking to gif u more time, telling myself dun force u too much. but actualy deep down, i knew, u can hardly change. well, i have 2 admit that u realy improved urself, one great example is u cut down on ur cigaratte. (even sometimes u did puff several) but i jz wonder, do u realy know waht i want?? do u realy know wat i need?? for our 4 yrs++ of relationship. @_@
jz like for yest case, u said u r goin to a fren's shop, and i asked u go there for wat? u said meet up some frens there, limteh...i replied u, limteh?! or beer?? then u said even beer also drink few glasses oni. damn. i know u well. ur so-called 'few glasses' could means alot. and u know i m working 2day, so i wont follow u there. so without my presence, i know u might become 'wilder'. sure out of control a lil bit. and shudnt a gf be worried of this?? is it wrong or odd if a gf worried, or become abit angry?? i wonder, if i told u, 'i m going out wif my frens, have some beers', how would u feel?? wat is ur reaction??will u act jz like me, worry? and if this thing happen, arent u suppose 2 convince me?? tell me, tell me that i can trust u; tell me that i dun have to worry so much; tell me that u know how 2 take care of urself; tell me that u promised me; tell me that u would sms me/call me when u got home. but u dint, none of the above. and u cant blame me, for being worried of u, and of cos, a lil unhappy. and i was unhapy last nite, all u care 2 do, is jz telling me 'dun like this la'. u always say this. y cant u coax me??u know, i feel fed up sometimes. that i lazy wanna talk 2 u anymore, moodless to tell u how i feel, or wat i wish u could do.cos i knew u know it actualy, but u pretend u dunno. cos i know, things r not gonna change. it ends up the same. shit.
u failed 2 prove to me. and that is y, i realy feel insecure sometimes, when we were talking bout marriage. now that we r still in a relationship, u alr like this. wat bout after marry? definetely u will hav more meetings to attend, more frens to socialise wif, so...things like this would hav happen again. and wat else? u wont convince me. and guess wat?? i m the one who cried alone in the end. and guess wat again?! i m the 1 who coax u back. or mayb, i m the 1 who sort out the things (even if its not my fault)and evrytime when i told u, i dun1 to marry so soon, u will become unhappy. and u would said me being playful. still wanna play ard and dun1 to settle down. see...u always like this. i mean, marriage is a 2-person things, we shall come to an agreement rite?? dun be too selfish pls. respect each other. i hope u would listen patiently to me. and try not to think nonsense. and try to communicate among the 2 of us. there are jz lotsa things need to be done b4 and during marriage. lotsa preparation to do.
i always join u for gathering wif ur frens, even if i m the oni gal. or even if there r gals, we seldom talk also. most of u r guys. do u know sometimes i feel bored?? i mean, guys topic, somehow will bored the gals. i gave u hints sometimes, but apparently u dint get it. ok fine, i told myself to tolerant wif u, accompany u, so that i can keep an eye of u, or at least control abit. but when it comes to attending my gals gathering, i told u, there might be no guys, and u would showed me ur unhapy face. my dear, tell me isit too much i require u to accompany me wif my gals? and its not that u dunno them, u know them!! i jz feel unfair sometimes. y must i always gif in to u? y cant u tolerant me?!
i feel like crying when i m writing this blog. somebody pls help. T________T
rmb i asked u b4? who comes 1st in ur heart, me or ur frens?? u told me, ME. so, SHOW ME!! show me that i m more important!! sometimes talking jz isnt enuff.
but i duno y, u jz wont bother.
i dunno. somebody pls help me, tell me wat shud i do. i jz feel so hopeless sometimes. :( :(
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
just hope thing like this wont happen again!
bad news...i m working half day on the 6th... :( :( :(
y?? dun ask y....jz bcos i have to. so no choice, cancelled my previous leave and re-apply half day for 6th.
anyway, counting down to cny, 5 more days. and esther and i alr planned our bestie gathering during cny. woohoo...kinda looking 4ward to it!!gotta be fun i suppose. 6th nite, limteh. then 8th, go pai ni (guess it will take us the whole day to finish). next, 9th nite, will have our very own 'lou sang' (i know its a bit early)..hehe..after that, gals happy hour !! but still duno where to go yet @@then 10th evening, my sch mate wedding dinner! well, it will be another great moment for us to gather 2gether, and take lotsa photos!!realy cant wait for cny!! must get loads of loads of ang pau duit this year...;D
wishng u: gong hei fat choy~ sam xiong si seng~ o_0