Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I hope i can read your mind

Ever wonder what your other half have in mind? i do, always.
guys always say its hard to understand a woman. but hey you guys, dont you know you are the same too?!
we have been together for 6 years. from the sweet romantic moments(aww how i miss that!), to the unstable stage, to a steadier stage, and to the bored/dull stage. i know, compared to some of you, 6 is a small number. but please just allow me to express whatever i feel inside! at least for now..
i'm not sure whether he'll be reading this, his pc is under repair now. blame him for accessing too much of those sites (you know what i mean) =p
for many times, i have thought of writing him a letter. erm, not exactly a love letter. some sorta complain letter. cause sometimes i find it hard to speak to him face to face. some thing is best spoken through written words (though speaking verbally brings more sincerity) but in the end, i gave up. i dont have enough courage to do so.. i'm so soft-hearted i'm afraid my words may hurt him. i'm such a coward i know! i want him to know exactly what i want but i'm too shy/scared! this is so bad its not going to solve any problems! i find it kinda funny because as for our 6 years of relationship, we still havent grow up. we still fail to handle problems in a mature way. but i bet all couples have their own hard times and arguements dont you? but tell me how do you make up then? how do you let your partner know what exactly do you want and what about him/her? does the method works for you both? do your partner understand and gets what you're trying to say and what about you? sigh i hope a love expert is reading this and answer to all my questions!
i knew i have written a few posts here about my other half. whatever it is i'd feel better the next day after i post my blog (yes i feel better today). and as time goes by, that angriness/sadness went away. and i'm back to the normal me. but i know, the root cause is still there :(
okay so everyone say communication is the KEY. but tell me how can i communicate with him in a direct way? i dont intend to tell him too much which may lead to more misunderstanding/confusion. yet i want something which is powerful and simple enough to make him catch what i'm trying to say. sigh.
maintaining a relationship is a great knowledge. its hard, even harder than programming wtf.
we still have a long way to go darl. i hope we both are ready to overcome all the problems before we actually proceed to the next stage.

p/s: comments are open. do share with me your stories k.

23 comments:

  1. Hayley,

    When you want to talk, treat him as your best friend. Then only you can be more open on what you want to convey. Good to be honest and frank, don't keep inside your heart, it is not wise at all to let him guess what you think. Don't afraid of misunderstanding in communication, there is always a chance for clarification. Infact, small arguement can make you guys understand each other better.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yan, i wonder can i really treat him as a friend though... but i shall not give up la rite? thanks alot for the sharing! hopefully it works for us... ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. There are ups and downs along a relationship.

    When we were still newly-wed, I always end a discussion with argument, blaming each other for the mistake. We go to bed feeling angry, which is alright but not healthy at all. Then, I wrote him letters, to express how I feel and what I expect from him. I didn't know what was on his mind after reading those letters.

    Now we apologise at the end of an argument, or whenever we make mistake. It keeps the bond stronger.

    Actually I don't have the spare time to pen down everything on my mind. Accept his and my flaws and move on with happier life.

    It takes several ways to tackle different scenarios.

    ReplyDelete
  4. yup, must be honest and frank...dont let him guess ur mind...guy always think different from gal, so just let him know what is in ur mind straigh...
    hmm, may be can find a good time and good environment then have a good talk...even from his face like not really understand u, dont angry and geram him 1st...i bet his heart and mind alrdy received ur msg and he will know what should do next step...
    guy might not really good on show out their love, feeling and concern... so try to understand him and give him some time. (if ur darl is "da nan ren", so must pay more patience to him... u knew "da nan ren" always hide their feeling 1) 6years relationship is very long and be worth to keep it on~
    keep think positive, he sure will understand u and give u more sense of security 1day~
    wish ur happiness and blessing ever and forever!!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. yvonne, this is quite true. most of the time when we argue, we end up ignoring each other. but the next day, we are back to normal.. i think we need some serious actions now..
    anyway, thanks for the sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. evelyn, such a long comment! but i like long comment! ;)
    but i dont know, usually i'm the one who gives-in to whatever he wants.. he used to be the more 'dominant' ones.. i think i have given him enough patience through this 6 years. perhaps he gets the wrong message thinking that i dont mind whatever he's doing?
    hmm, i'm wondering when will be the 'one day'...

    ReplyDelete
  7. hayley, so is u over spoil him lar~;p what to blame?! heeheee...
    but dont worry, expend will get repay as well...just need some time! hmmm...seriously, u must have a good talk to him... let him know what u want and wat in ur mind! (pls and must show him ur serious face) Coz u too spoil him, he might take u jokking~;p
    the "one day" sure will coming...
    must have confidence lar~gambateh!!!

    p/s: hope u wont take my long comments as "luo suo" coz i'm not so good skill on talk ;p

    ReplyDelete
  8. evelyn, may be only.. i'm not sure.
    but i did talked to him many times before, given him direct/indirect hints. i admit i made a mistake by giving him indirect hints in the beginning. soon, i realised that he did not take it seriously. so from that onwards, i tell him directly what i want and what i expect from him. he did listened at that moment, but seems like he tends to 'forget' the next day :( he keep repeating the same 'mistakes'! >=(
    it makes me feel like he didnt listen/care to whatever i said... T__T
    but anyway, i am doing my best now. hopefully it works!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey hey gal, im having the same problem too. The guys just dont understand us. Normally we have problem i am the 1 voice out n discuss but end up argue. Once argue i will talk less and ignore to make things goes worse. End up problem not solve. Argue everyday thou. hahaha.... and recently i've been thinking.... Is it guys who work for their own business dont have time to think so much about relationship and as long as they have us around to support them? wtf!?

    As i apply the concept "treat him as best friend" to speak out with him... but the guy is being NOT FRIENDLY to speak out. EGO!! Damn it! Yes, maintaining the relationship is hard. Oh gosh! I though i am the only 1 facing problems with so long relationship. I got member ady! hahaha.. :P :P

    Anyway, things can be solve nicely. Im sure you can do it. I dont have method to solve problem, as myself also the same. As i know u talk to them what you want, then they will act nothing happen and slowly the guy will full-fill your needs. They just being EGO! Hate that! ahahahah.... :D
    Chill kay! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  10. well...everyone already make their point clear... You just have to know after you have talked to him, you should give him some time to change... you know...bad habit need time to change,right? Accept for who he is and try to communicate more...if you don't speak out (in a good way I mean)...the problem will not solve...
    Gambatte girl! It's hard to have someone with you for 6 years... appreciate what you have and try to make up with each other.. you fill in the holes in him and he fills in urs.. you know what I mean right?
    Take care! ^^

    ReplyDelete
  11. hey wan, of cause you are not alone.. i bet most of the couples out there have the similar problem.. i think we both are very much alike though :S yea, sometimes egoism is the culprit. but what to do.. its something God created and perhaps its the way to differentiate between male and female?
    anyway, you too! all the best to you and your relationship!

    ivy, yea i get your points. but sometimes i wonder, its not that i dint give him enough time/patience.. 6 years! its been 6 years! we've been through alot of hard times already.. i thought we both learnt some lessons..
    thank u my dear! u take care too!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yea... 6 years many things happen, hard and bad time gone thru... both tahan each other end up all burst at the same time, things will be worst thou. :S
    I experienced before. haha.. As Ivy said, bad habits need time to change. Hmm... i got negative thinking as my bad habit... 5 years ady still bad habit cannot change... very hard. But still trying. :))

    No worries! We gambateh! :D

    ReplyDelete
  13. After reading your blogpost and the comments, I somehow felt better; at least, I'm not alone. And I guess most couple faced the same scenario.

    One thing I notice abt man. They assume everything in OK and perfect in a relationship and when you mentioned you have sth to talk abt or to discuss, they'll assume it's sth bad ie. you wanna find trouble. As for me, I'd always prefer to talk about small little things that happened, rather than wait for the worse and we fight about it. But I tried to discuss abt the small things, I'll end up getting myself be seen as sensitive, or small gas.

    I really don't understand whats in their mind. I like man who're career minded, but I think they should put their relationship as important. Or probably men just can't multitask?

    Sometimes, many things happened that I almost gave up. But I guess we've come a long way, there're must be a reason why we compliment each other so well in the first place..

    All the best to you, to me, and to everyone :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. wan, somehow for me, if someone is willing and determined to change his bad habits, he can managed that in no time. so 6 years could be a very long time already.

    cryst, i've always wonder whether you have the similar problem? as i read your blogs all the time, i think i seldom read about you mentioning the negative sides of your relationship. but yet, you are facing the same thing. once again, i think its something very normal for every couples.
    well, its quite true. men just cant multitask especially when it comes to RELATIONSHIP stuff! you're right, we've come a long way. its definetely worth it for us to keep the relationship stronger. but, if only one of us is putting the effort, then things will never be fine. right? i hope our other half will do something about it... *pray hard*

    ReplyDelete
  15. Haha I seldom mention, 'cause I don't wanna remind myself about it, or to remember the bad incidents that happened. And sometimes he reads my blog and he doesn't really like the idea of me putting my life into a blog and letting everyone know so much about myself.. I did a few post previously, which I saved as draft for my own read :)

    Well, I think he puts in a lot of effort and he gave in a lot for me too, but sometimes things just don't feel right. Probably I'm expecting too much, or probably we have different defination of a healthy relationship? ;)

    Hope he doesn't read my comment here, HAHAHA!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. cryst, ya, you'd better hope he is not reading this! :D
    for me, i dont really need to worry about this. as my other half seldom reads about my blog. like, very seldom.

    anyway, its really good to have share the stories with all of you! i really appreciate whatever you gals written here! thanks again!
    *hugs and kisses*

    ReplyDelete
  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh god! Cryst, you mention "They assume everything in OK and perfect in a relationship and when you mentioned you have sth to talk abt or to discuss, they'll assume it's sth bad ie. you wanna find trouble. As for me, I'd always prefer to talk about small little things that happened, rather than wait for the worse and we fight about it. But I tried to discuss abt the small things, I'll end up getting myself be seen as sensitive, or small gas." this is what my bear did most of the time. He thinks i am finding problem with him. wtf?! Oh gosh! Why?! End up we woman have to suffer all these problem. Sighs All the best to us! Ang kong po pi! Lol... hahahah....

    ReplyDelete
  19. wan, i think all men are the same.. haha..

    ReplyDelete
  20. HAHAH wan, your comment made me ter-LOL-ed in my office cubicle lah! wtf..

    ReplyDelete
  21. Wow, I learned so much from this post and comments. It's true that every couple will have gone through this kind of problems.
    Ya, why do every men tend to pretend to be nothing bothers them,tend to be cool with everything and tend to open minded for everything but actually they are not at all? They tend to hide everything in heart and exploded it out when they couldn't stand it anymore in some time, just like a volcano explosion, haha!
    No matter how many millions times we, the gals, advice them to share with us how they feels or any opinions, they will just promise it, and that's it,end of story. Men will always be men, with their style, ego and ego and ego. They won't really shares things out unless we ask for it, and then they will think we are troublesome, think too much, worried too much, too close minded and too controlling! Right? But they won't know that we care how they feels, that's why we want them to share it out.
    By the way, Hayley, i suggest you to read a book, "Men are from Mars, Women are Venus", you may get it from MPH. This book really thought us how to understand of other half and I learned a lots of "men's things" from that book. That book also teaches us how to understand each other, tolerate each other and maintain a relationship. The book suits for both, guy and gals. But, even though I had learned and understood the book, but I tend to forget it especially when in an argument, LOL!
    Relationship is not easy to maintain, but WORTH it or not, you should know it. It's hard to find a guy that loyal to you for 6 years and still willing to go through forever with you.You are lucky, gal!
    Hope your problem will settle soon!
    Also, hope every couple sweets and lovings all the times!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oppss..my comment too long...pai seh...sorry!

    ReplyDelete
  23. yoong, wow thats really a longgg comment! but no worry, i like long comment!! :)
    well, i guess i have said what i wanna say in those previous replies.. to summarize, men are always that ego!! haha..
    ok, i will try to look for that book. i hope my other half can read it too!! is there mandarin version available??
    but i have always feel that i'm the only one who reads about all those meaningful articles/posts.. sigh~
    all the best to u!! take care~

    ReplyDelete

Share your thoughts! (But strictly no advertisements please)